The Stuff We Keep

I have just started reading It's All Too Much by Peter Walsh. I, thankfully do not have a hoarding problem, but I was intrigued by the book and the results it seems to have. I think I first heard about the book from Rebecca.

This book has come along at the right time in our lives. My dear mother in law passed away last May. Since that time, my father in law has been purging, and purging, and purging...she kept everything.

I have seen the burden this has become on him. The house was not filled to the brim with only paths to get from here to there. But every closet, every shelf in every closet, every cabinet...this is where she kept her stuff; school papers from her 8 children (the youngest of whom is 34), canceled checks her dad wrote 50 years ago, things no one in the family remembers ever seeing or using, items the family may remember but has not seen in 30 years.

My father in law is doing his best to sort and disperse. But this is difficult for him; these belonged to his beloved, they were obviously important to her. So, when he calls and tells me he has a box of this and that, I tell him to bring it over. My husband and I go through the box together and if he has a special memory, an attachment to an item we find, we keep it. If he does not, we trash it or give it away. This has been difficult at times for my husband as well; these were his mother's things. But, as much as I love my mother in law; she was and remains a true mother to me in every sense of the word, I cannot let her things take over my home or our life.

From It's All Too Much, "If something is important, give it a place of importance. Find a way to respect and display that memory. If you're not treating it with honor and respect and you can't find a way to do so, then get rid of it." After reading that we have gone back through some of the things we originally kept; things that have just been sitting here or there, waiting to be moved or actually being moved because they were in the way because we did not know what to do with it. We have asked ourselves this question, "If this was so important to her, why was it stuffed in the bottom of a box in the back of a closet?"

The things we cherish of hers, the things we have kept, were displayed or used in her home; they had a place of honor in her home, in her life. My daughters honor her Madonna collection. They were given the opportunity to choose a couple favorite Mary statues that Grandma had setting on her bookcase in her living room. My husband chose a spot to display an old porcelain pitcher that his mother served him homemade hot chocolate in. I have kept a bright pink robe given to her in her last month. If mom loved the item enough to use it or prominently display it, then we do as well. Those are treasures that evoke our emotions; we remember Grandma using, or displaying, or showing us these important things in her home.

We were given 2 paint by number pictures that she apparently painted years and years ago. My husband vaguely remembers seeing them somewhere. I never saw them hanging. They were found in a box in a closet. They are kind of ugly, but, they were made by Grandma....We kept one, and then the other made its way to our home. We have decided to donate that one. This was a hard decision. It is a Crucifixion paint by number. But it was not important to her, or it would have had a place of honor in her home. I honestly don't know where we would put it if we did keep it. But the thing is, we would only be keeping it because it belonged to Mom/Grandma, not because it was important to her...there is a huge difference.